i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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