Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
