and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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