so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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