so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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