It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
