Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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