is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
