So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
