My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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