all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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