I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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