shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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