shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
