LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
