Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
