we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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