there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone came in the potted fern
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
