So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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