I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
