don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
