I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
