Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
