I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wear drunk well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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