Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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