Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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