I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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