i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
