WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
