when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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