Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
