I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
