Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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