Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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