They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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