i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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