Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
