That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
