just tell him i said nine months
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
