he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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