thus making me awesome and them whores
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
