whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
honey bunches of taint.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
