just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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