I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
