i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
