I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
