I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
