i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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