I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize