That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
