I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
