Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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