you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
a search helicopter?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
