New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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