Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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