Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
