Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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