Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize