So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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