you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
