Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
