I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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