i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
