RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
