why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
