Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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