you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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