he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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