i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
