She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
