Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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